This topic of burnout and all-consuming tiredness keeps coming back. And I hear you. I’ve been there. In fact, I often hover on the border of burnout. But I hardly ever go there these days.
I’m afraid that the biggest reason for burnout in perimenopause… has nothing to do with perimenopause. I know. Bummer. It would be so nice to find a scapegoat.
But no, perimenopause is just another layer to all the other things going on.
Let’s play a game. When someone comes to you saying that they are perpetually tired, what would you tell them? Well, I’d say: ‘Do less’. And yet, we often struggle to give this advice to ourselves.
I truly believe that menopause became such a popular topic these days because it takes the spotlight away from what is really happening.
That one thing we dread to admit.
The unspeakable truth that yes… we are getting older.
Getting older means that it’s going to take less for you to be tired. Much less.
My husband is not going through perimenopause and yet he’s been experiencing the same thing.
We both do much less and sleep much more. And yes, this – what seems like a sudden drop of energy levels – took us both by surprise. I’m probably the one who keeps complaining more about it as I just can’t get my head around the fact that I cannot cram as many things as I was able to back in the day. For a type-A personality gal like me, this is something that I struggle with.
But the more I fight it, the more I complain and dig my heels and pretend that I can do as much as in my 30s, the more tired I get. And the more tired I get – the more overwhelmed I get, and this makes me say yes to more things as by that point I function on a habitual autopilot of fight-and-flight and this leads to more overwhelm and less critical thinking and more tiredness.
And then I finally hit the wall.
Do you see the vicious circle?
Thankfully, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo, and I can catch myself going down this path before I even put the saddle on. Although, I must admit, it would feel so good to gallop into the sunset onto this familiar path.
So, how do we get out of this mess of “perimenopausal” burnout?
For those who feel overwhelmed and are still in denial, this is going to sound counterintuitive and "pointless". But bear with me.
The more I spend time in silence and stillness and dig deeper into the understanding of who I am, what are my values and therefore what is important to me, the easier it is for me to separate the wheat from the chaff.
The more time I spend becoming the observer (Sakshi in sanskrit) of my thoughts, feelings and emotions, the easier it becomes to notice myself slipping away into this mess of derailment.
The more time I spent in stillness, meditating and then journaling on my thoughts, the more my vision becomes clear of what I really want to achieve in my life and recognise that everything else is just noise and little lies that my restless mind is trying to feed me.
The more I quieten my mind, the clearer it becomes who am I.
The more I realise who I am and what my values are, the more powerful it feels to stand in my power.
And to stand in my power is to say no to things that do not serve me. To say no to things and people. To speak my truth.
We women, we are notorious people pleasers. It stems from the fact that back in the day, as a weaker sex (well yes, we are physiologically weaker: less muscles, less testosterone, etc.) – we needed to fawn to be part of the group. Anything else most likely meant exclusion and maybe even death.
But that’s a learnt habit. Let me say it again: it’s a habit. Habitual people pleasing and lack of boundaries is a habit. Maybe it stems from some sort of childhood trauma, maybe it did serve us once, back then. But surely, if you are perpetually on the precipice of burnout, it doesn’t serve you now?
People pleasing is also another manifestation of living in the Sympathetic Drive.
You might recognise the Sympathetic Drive (or Sympathetic Nervous System) by those two ‘Fs’: Fight and Flight.
But there are more Fs in the closet. There is also: Freeze, Faint, Food, Fawn (people pleasing) and Fornicate.
All of the above are a manifestation of being always on the go-go-go and a coping mechanism at the same time.
And therefore, to be able to be less in the people pleasing - lack of boundaries – overwhelm / verging on the burnout mode… we need to actively pull ourselves from the Sympathetic Drive and via a multitude of self-regulatory tools, spend more time in the here and now, also known as the Parasympathetic Drive (rest and digest).
And unfortunately, at first, it’s going to feel like a lot of work. It’s going to be hard to resist the pull of the ‘dark side’, as Master Yoda in Star Wars likes to say.
When you are in the do-do-do mode, slowing down is the hardest thing to do. I KNOW. I HEAR YOU.
It’s an everyday battle to be aware of my habitual compulsions and slow down.
But nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. Start with 5 minutes sitting in your favourite armchair. No need to be twisted into a lotus pose. Forget about the lotus pose. Just sit and listen to your heart. To your breath and your beating heart. Who am I? How do I feel? What’s important to me? How do I want to spend my day? How do I want to show up in my life. You have all the answers. If you just listen.
And then, ask yourself this final question: why am I so tired all the time?
Thoughts? Reflections? Let me know in the comments below.
Comments