When you watch the famous TEDx talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichue We should all be feminists, one thing comes to mind. She spends half of this talk trying to define what feminism is.
Personally, unless I know what I’m signing up to, I don’t. And for a long time, I would evade the label of feminist, mostly because I couldn’t put my finger on what this word stands for.
How can we come together and fight for something together, if we’re not on the same page?
I mean, how many of us still think that feminism equals not shaving one’s armpits?
And what does it mean to be an EMPOWERED woman?
I grew up on MTV and for me the ultimate powerhouse of a woman was Madonna. Strong, intelligent, artistic, and classy. I hardly view any music videos these days but whatever crosses my eyes is not something that I would call powerful nor even remotely interesting. ‘Desperate’ is probably more appropriate. Do you know what I’m talking about? @gotsnacks on TitTok put it precisely for me:
Booty. Booty. A$$. Shake as$$. Instagram. A$$. Titties. A$$. Titties. I’m not excited no more. I’m booty’d out. Y’all have shown me so much ass I’m numb to it.
If this is what it takes to be a feminist these days then it’s a no thank you from me.
No, I’m not judging, quite the opposite. I’m sympathising. I’m sympathising with all these women who do not feel like sharing their booty on social media, agree to sex on the first encounter (apparently the invention of the pill made it easier to just sleep with a man than find an excuse to say no), and feel pressurised into doing stuff that liberal feminism is pushing for.
I sympathise with women who do not celebrate self-commodification and by doing so are classified as prudish, old-fashioned or restricted. I’m sorry, but I’m not sure how online or in-person sex work become confused with freedom and emancipation.
I already talked about women in the so-called progressive West where for most cases sex is a commodity since the state doesn’t provide for female emancipation via economic independence.
Now, the liberal feminists push this commodification even further. Just listen to the lyrics by the ‘chanteuse’ Cardi B:
Ask for a car while you ride that d*ck
Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet a$$ pu$$y.
Fair enough, I guess… if you are a grown-up woman with a wealth of life experience under your belt. Women’s rights have been restricted for so long, I suppose it’s only natural we fight for freedom of choice, and as Charlotte in Sex & The City would shout, I choose my choice. This is your choice. Sex is your commodity if that is your choice. (not mine)
However, those lyrics are targeting much younger women, who, unfortunately often do not know any better. And a lot of young vulnerable women do fall for it.
When we keep repeating that sex means nothing, there are a lot of women who will ‘consent’ to this narrative because of credulousness, eagerness to please, trauma or some murky combination of all of these.
In the past, we would ask our mothers, grandmothers, or other Wise Women in the community for advice; these day it’s the social media that’s telling young women what to do. Young, naïve women often capable of hurting themselves just to fit in!
As Mary Harrington writes in Feminism Against Progress: ‘The expectation set by free-access porn now routinely results in teenage girls enduring acts they don’t enjoy in exchange for the barest sign of affection. One teenage girl was reported in 2019 to have been left with anal injuries so severe, after trying to imitate pornography, that she will need a colostomy bag for life.’
When we tell our girls that sex means nothing, there is no surprise that sex becomes disenchanted.
Well, the liberal feminists go even further saying that sex work is just “work”. Really? This sounds rather privileged since a lot of sex workers do not ‘choose’ this type of work and in fact report that it feels more like rape, not work, with the most difficult part being trying not to gag or vomit.
Anyway, I digress.
Sexual empowerment has nothing to do with how many people you do or do not sleep with—it has to do with how comfortable you are in your skin.[1]
While the liberal feminists keep banging on about sex, I’m talking about intimacy.
Because truly amazing sex comes from the feeling of being at home in your body. When we feel disconnected from our bodies (disembodiment), especially for those with body dysmorphia or eating disorders (or both), we women, we CANNOT truly feel pleasure. But, is this not what sex is about? Pleasure?
And yet, the liberal feminists keep saying to young girls that ‘intimacy is creepy’, ‘do not kiss on the lips’, ‘do not get attached or emotional’. Jeez. That sounds like a set of lies built on lies built on trauma.
Hook-up culture and the ‘porn generation’ is a terrible deal for women. We are having less sex, the sex is worse: less intimate, less satisfying, and less meaningful.[2] And yet, this ‘choice’ that a lot of women feel compelled to comply with, is somehow sold as a form of liberation (?!).
It seems that there is a confusion: freedom is not necessarily the ability to do whatever one wants.
Women are fooled into liberation for the temptation of always being able to make a choice. But what if the choice is not actually yours? What if you’re brainwashed into a hook-up disembodied culture. If women truly ask themselves (at least the astounding majority):
Is that something I truly believe in? Or is it something I was indoctrinated into? What do you think would be the answer?
One would think that all these ‘liberated’ women (bless them) who feel compelled to show off their bums (you never seem to pose to the camera with your face first these days); doing, what feels like, ONLY hip thrusts in the gym and sleeping around left right and centre without any ‘emotional baggage’ (duh, so passé) – they’d be screaming in a non-ending orgasmic crescendo. But nope.
In the first-time hook-ups, only 10% of women orgasm, compared to 68% of women in long-term relationships [3].
Is it really worth pushing that utopian ‘liberation’ narrative for the sake of 10% of women?
So, no. If you ask me, I’m not a feminist. I’d rather call myself a humanist. I want to promote the wellbeing of all women (and men), not just a very small minority of the population.
To be continued...
Komentáře